The PR Bible: Genesis

For some light relief (not intended as a serious translation), see this version of Genesis 1:1-8 in “PR jargon”, from Simon Titley of Liberal Democrat Voice (hat tip David Keen and Eddie Arthur):

1. At the outset, God’s agenda was to basically focus on his core deliverables, namely two leading-edge products, (a) heaven and (b) earth.
2. However, the earth lacked an overall concept, and had a low profile in terms of its key audiences. Obviously the Spirit of God had to step back and benchmark the existing waters before his game plan could get the green light.
3. And God’s key message was that light was a strategic objective, and it was covered-off.
4. And God’s perception of the light was that it was fit for purpose. However, his desired goal was that light and darkness should be differentiated in the marketplace.
5. So God branded the light ‘Day’, and the darkness he branded ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Light’. And the evening session and morning session made up Day One.
6. Then God set out with the object of factoring-in a firmament to interface with the existing generic waters, to bring to the party two segmented brands.
7. So God tasked himself with the job of rolling-out a firmament, to supply a proactive vehicle for launching his two distinct waters products, and it was up and running.
8. And God branded the firmament ‘heaven’. And at close of play, the prioritised actions for Day Two were ticked off.

Before anyone tries to use this as ammunition against the Liberal Democrats, the party of which I am a member, read the post, and Titley’s 1996 article in which this text was originally published, to see what his view of this version is.

9 thoughts on “The PR Bible: Genesis

  1. David Ker says:

    I loved this. Wasn’t Genesis a PR document of sorts written by the believers in the one true God who wished to differentiate Him from all the other deities? It can also be viewed as a family genealogy document showing the superiority of Jacob’s ancestry. Although considering the numerous unflattering stories about his ancestors it sometimes reads more like a Kitty Kelley tell-all.

  2. Dru says:

    I don’t think this is mocking the scriptures. It is mocking jargon. If one wants a theological take, the alternatives demonstrates that God knows how to write and a lot of politicos do not.

  3. Peter Kirk says:

    David, so would you suggest that in a published Bible Genesis should be in PR jargon, and perhaps other books in other types of jargon?

    Jeremy, I think that lamp went out. Rick is still alive and well on Facebook.

  4. David Ker says:

    Brian, I don’t mean any disrespect for God’s Word. Especially Genesis. It truly is inspired and filled with beautiful truths and stories.

    Peter, I was just riffing on the PR metaphor. Essentially, I was playing on the idea that Genesis co-opts themes of ancient creation narratives and shows the alternative vision of monotheism. It’s not my area of expertise as you might have noticed…

  5. Jeremy Davis says:

    Thanks, Peter! I will look for him there. Brian, thanks too, but I was missing his previously frequent updates (none since Christmas)

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